Dear carton of orange juice,
God, you precocious blade of grass!
I’d fuck a greedy bald kitten despite everything a million times if you’d only let me paint a goldfish.
I just want you to know that to drive you wild with desire, I’d torment a Doberman.
I love you, you dead rose. I promise I’ll fart on a sexy sexy greedy sweet delicious guilty bashful worthless syphilitic sweet German Shepherd just to make you happy. If you loved me like I love you, you’d blow kisses at a kitten. Oh, I can’t make clothes out of a guilty salmon because I love you so much.
I love you so much! What have I done to offend you? What do I have to do a million times just to remind me of you? I never meant to tickle a invaluable pirahna
I just want you to know that so that I could live in your dreams, no matter what they say, I’d propose to a dirty dirty greedy lawyer.
(from here)