Daniel E. Renfer’s Blog

So, what would happen if you crop dusted a city with this stuff?

That horrible depression that comes about as a result of being fired and subsequently unemployed really sucks.

I’ve been fired twice in my life. They were both relatively close to one another. The first one was from Gage Marketing. Melissa’s mom got me a job right after High School. I was working at McDonald’s at the same time. I had about a week left there, and then I was going to quit and work at Gage full time.

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stolen from who stole it from who stole it from who stole it from who found these words written in fire 3 feet high in the jungles of Africa.

Post anything that you want, and post it anonymously, to attempt to avoid being sued for libel. Anything. As long as it’s a complete and utter lie…

A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, that time we tricked the pirates into letting us go, but they realized what was going on a little too soon and I had to use my mind beam to defeat them - anything. Be sure to post anonymously and load it down with BS. Post twice if you’d like, post three times, hell flood Live Journal’s servers with all of your crap. Then, put this in your LJ to see what your friends, enemies, vague associates, random encounters, and small furry animals (and perhaps others who you don’t even realize read your LJ) have to say.

At some point today, the DNS servers refreshed, I found this out when I tried to log into my computer using one of my domain names, which used to point to my home computer, but now points to a hosted web server.

I spent about 5 minutes trying to figure out why I couldn’t remote desktop into the computer as administrator. I hope they don’t think I’m a hacker.

I woke up so incredibly early this morning. I haven’t been sleeping like normal lately. I guess I’ve always had an irregular sleep schedule, but I went to bed for me what was really early. I probably got to sleep around 1 or so. That’s pretty early considering I at one point put my time at 2:30, which slipped to 3 and then on some nights to 4:30.

I walked around most of yesterday in one of those half sleep states. I wanted to just be able to get a few more hours sleep and be a little more energized for the day.

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Well, that was certainly entertaining. Those of you that have been following my various legal battles of late might know that I had to go to court today to fight my ticket for driving on a suspended license.

I was guilty. I will admit that, but under the circumstances, I was hoping that I could at least plea bargain it down to a “Driving without Operator’s License on Person” which is a lesser offence and one that I would be likely to get seeing as I had already paid and cleared all other offenses on my record including the offences that had gotten my license suspended in the first place.

So late last night, I suddenly remember that I have to be up early the next morning and actually manage to get enough sleep to be up right now. I drive down to the city hall, have to take of my

shoes off for the metal detector. I realize I have no idea where I am going. The guard tells me that I need to go to Court room 3 on level 2. So I find the court room and sit down.

I’m the only one there, minus what is obviously a plaintiff, a defendant and their respective lawyers. Okay, I am early and this could still be what I’m looking for. I’m supposed to be here at 9:30 and there is time still. About 9:50, the judge came in and the let in all of the jurors. This was quickly looking like I was in the wrong room.

I sat there and watched them go through the entire process of selecting a jury. It was actually quite interesting. They brought out a list of jurors, questioned each of them, and when they had gotten through everything, they dismissed a woman because she was in a bad accident and she didn’t think she could make a fair decision. Personally I think she was trying to get out of jury duty. Then they later kicked out the doctor for various reasons. Next they called up a succession of jurors to take the seat. One after one, each was removed from the jury, until finally the found a guy no one objected to. Then he called for a recess.

As I was walking out, I made the comment “You know, I’m really beginning to think that I am in the wrong room” The court reporter took me aside, looked up my information and found out that I was supposed to be in Court Room 4 across the hall. She took me over there and told me that she would tell them that I had been there the whole time.

It was amazing how different the room I had walked in to was. The civil court room was quiet and clean, this new room was full of people in various states of disrepair. I sat down and listened to the sound of a man that didn’t quite speak English give a testimony over a speaker-phone.

I had just sat down when the public defender came up to me. She grabbed my paper work, said she’d get it thrown out, and that I could leave. So I wasted 2 hours on what took me in the end less than a minute.

God I love it when the goddess fucks with me like that.

Okay, it’s been a really long time since I’ve written anything really substantial in this. I guess live journal goes along with just about all my other obsessions. I get totally into something for a really long time, and then I lose interest and just kinda give up on it.

First off, let me place myself. I am still living out in Ann Arbor. I like it here, but at times I feel a bit isolated. I don’t have any friends out here aside from Ben and Andy. I take full responsibility for this. I know I could go out and find plenty of things to do in this city, but most of the time I just don’t really feel like it. I would either have to go downtown with the few people I know out here, or else by myself. And I just don’t know if I’m fit anymore to handle the disappointment of going out looking for something, anything, and then coming home alone, having failed in my mission.

My computer has been going to total shit as of late. My hard drive was starting to go, and it was making it really hard to keep it running for any extended period of time. I got a new 120gb hard drive, so now not only do I have a drive that’s not going to lock up on me, but I have way more space than I really know what to do with.

Now, we come to the story of the OS shit I’ve been going through. I was once running Windows XP. It worked well for me, but I decided that I wanted to give Linux a try. I had given it a shot before, on Persephone, but had never really given it a chance on Athena. My first idea was to go with Suse. Ben had the Cd’s so I figured it would be rather easy. This was when I ran into the problem of dependency hell. I must have re-compiled the Glib library at least 20 times. Ok, so Suse isn’t working for me. Let’s try Red Hat. After a full night of trying to get it installed, I got it running. All well and good aside from one minor problem? my keyboard wasn’t working. Fuck it, I went back to Windows. 2003 server to be exact. It works, but I had a few problems. (like sound) Then Andy gave me a copy of Xandros. I love this distro. It loaded up Microsoft Office without a single problem. I’m using Microsoft Word to write this right now? under Linux. How cool is that?

I bought a new domain name. I need to go down to the city hall and register my business name. For years now, I’ve told myself that if I were to ever start a company, I would call it KRONK Ltd. I own the name, and was using it for my personal website, but I just paid out to get a hosted web server. I can’t keep my computer running long enough to get anything done with it. (Which is why none of the mySQL databases work)

Speaking of databases, I was having problems with this new site. There are two versions of the dll that I need to connect to a database with Asp.Net. I was trying to use the correct one, Microsoft.Data.Odbc. For whatever reason, it wasn’t installed on the server I am using. I sent in a trouble ticket, and got back a bullshit response. (actually it was rather helpful, but not what I needed) So after a few days of fucking around with this, I decided to give the old version, System.Data.Odbc. What do you know, it worked. I felt so stupid, but I’m happy that I can now resume work.

We have digital cable here. I get it free because I am a Comcast employee. We originally got 2 boxes, but then Ben got a new TV and decided that he wanted a box for his room as well. I got the new box and his old TV. Well, the way that the system works, you need to have the proper codes on a given outlet for the service to work. Since I have the special employee codes on my account, only someone with access to those codes could fix my account. As per usual, I procrastinated until it was too late. I have my box fixed, but Ben gave his old TV to his sister. I can’t really complain too much. It was his TV and he’s welcome to do with it whatever he wants, but I need to get an new TV now. I have a video in card in my computer, but am having a little bit of trouble keeping my computer stable enough to keep it running.

I had a great time on Halloween. I went to this party and got some really good chances to “preach.” It’s always nice to be able to find a sympathetic ear to listen to you tell them why you don’t believe that anything exists on the other side of the door. I know some of my philosophies are a bit out there, but if you look in to them a little bit deeper, they are even backed up by science.

My biggest regret was that I didn’t have my domain name at the time. Pretty soon I’ll be able to go all over the place and drop little cards and flyers everywhere that say www.localartistsearch.com, but seeing how there is currently nothing there, it doesn’t really do me that much good. I just love the fact that pretty soon I’ll be able to write off every concert that I go to as a business expense.

I haven’t been sleeping all that well lately. I called off one day this week and showed up an hour late on another. Sleeping on Christin’s cot was the worst. I tossed and turned for hours trying to get to sleep. I ended up getting about only 3 or so hours of sleep and then I had to baby-sit a 7 month old. Al least she’s not that much trouble yet, and she’s always been good for me. She likes to grab my necklace and suck on the sacred chao. That, and she try’s to grab my tongue ring.

I never get to see Kali anymore. We used to hang out all the time, but not so much anymore. For a while there, she was always available because she didn’t work and Dave was working the night shift, then Dave got hurt at work and hasn’t been working. This now means that the only time I can really see her is when Dave is around. I’m starting to do a lot better with this. When we first broke up, I was really bad. I couldn’t stand to be around Dave and I was always in a state of emotional turmoil.

So for the past two months, or so, the only time I get to see her is when I go over there and hang out with both of them. This is still somewhat of an uncomfortable situation, so I see her at most only once a week or so. This is a big difference from how it used to be. No matter what was going on, we always managed to find time together, now I can’t seem to get any.

I guess this is for a good thing. I’m a little less messed up now. You see the thing is, If I hardly ever see her, then I am never faced with all the reminders of exactly why it is that I love her. When you are as messed up as I am, you find those things almost everywhere. So now I don’t see her as much, so it’s less often that I have to go through that next day where I had just seen her and there is this part of me that really just wants to see her again. If I had it my way, I’d still be calling her every night at 10:30. This is obviously not an acceptable thing to do, which is why I don’t.

As a matter of fact, I really hate calling over there. Almost every time I call, Dave will pick up. I feel really weird asking to talk to Melissa. I don’t really know how he feels about me. I would think that based off of our history alone, he would have some pretty good reasons not to really like me and to not like me talking and hanging out with his girlfriend. Of course, I’m sure they’ve been through that fight so many times before. I know I wouldn’t like it too much if I were him, but then I also know her, and know that she can be pretty stubborn and probably fights back quite viciously about that subject.

The reason this is all coming up by the way is, I went over there last night. I was missing her and it had been over a week since I had seen her. I called on my lunch break and we set it up that I would be going over there after I got off of work. After work I took off for GC. I didn’t call until I was already on the highway. It turns out that she had managed to get some tickets to the Nickleback show and would be home in about an “hour” I drove around GC for a bit, and called back an hour later. I was told that she would be another hour.

I went over to Dan-O’s house. It’s been a while since I had seen him and I had a bit of time to kill. I hung out there for a bit and we talked, went for a drive, and hung out some more. Melissa called just as we were heading downstairs. I explained some of the things that have been going on in my life to Dan-O. He knows me fairly well and understands how I am about her.

I went over to Melissa’s. We sat around for a bit and she told me about the concert. She wanted to go to Taco Bell. Dave said that he would come too. That kinda pissed me off. I haven’t really had all that much of a chance to talk to her alone and was kinda hoping that I would get that chance, but if he’s coming too, well that just fucks all that up. I suggested Cole’s, because I really wanted to go to Cole’s and I was hoping earlier that I could find a way to get her to go to Cole’s with me. It’s always a good place to talk.

That had to be the first time I have ever been up to Cole’s with Dave. It was also the first time that he had ever been in my car. Again, I have to ask myself how he must feel about the situation when we sit there and talk about all these things from our past that he couldn’t really be a part of. I was with her since she was 13, so I already know all of her past and pretty much anything that’s happened in her life, I was there for. It’s kinda hard to sit there on a conversation like that when the other two people have such a connection like that and you’re totally shut out. I mean, how is he going to give input on whether it was Jamie or Justin Ross that gave her that scar on her arm?

I’m like that sometimes. If there is a group of people that are having a really good conversation and flowing really well, I’ll just kinda sit back and listen. I might want to contribute, but can’t really find the proper place. Usually you have to find a subject that I can get really animate about, then I will talk, but other than that, I’m pretty quiet.

I’m supposed to go to see the new Matrix movie tonight with Candice. God, I wish I had the right words to properly explain the situation we have going. Things are a bit better between us now that there is less of a pressure to have a relationship. I don’t really know what to call it, and we’ve kinda stayed away from needing to have that defined.

I don’t know anymore. I am just waiting for the point when I can finally make some sense of my life, get rid of my hang-ups and just enjoy where I’m at and what I’m doing with my life. I am making progress, as always, but I still have a long ways to go before I can fully say that I’m okay.

Well, I guess this long rant makes up a little bit for my long period of silence from Live Journal. I want to write more, but I have other things to focus on right now? like programming, which is what I really should have been doing with this time. I have a deadline to meet after all.

My AIM just oppened up a java based ad and it fired off a pop-up ad. It also made sure it opened in internet explorer, which is not my default browser. (I use Mozilla Firebird)

I called in sick today.