Daniel E. Renfer’s Blog

Wow, I’m a geek

Happy Syaday!

I woke up in Jackson. This wasn’t too terrible alarming. I clearly remember falling asleep in Jackson, so it stands that I very well should wake up in the same place. My dad made breakfast burritos. My brother tried to cram too much into his.

My dad doesn’t have cable anymore, and there is really nothing that can be done on a Monday morning in a different city than sit and watch TV. This gets even harder because, all the channels are different. Having only 3 channels sucks. I watched “the sounds” perform on “the view” They were okay, but I really hope (for their sake) that they sound better on the album than they do live.

After that I watched the X-Games International. Of course, USA was kicking everybody’s asses. They can do some amazing tricks. I wish I could do even half of what they are able to do. I still need to buy a new pair of skates.

We were getting ready to leave, but we had to make our rounds to visit our family. First we stopped by my grandma’s. I love my grandma, but sometimes I just want to yell at her “No we’re not hungry. No we’re not thirsty. I have no use for the glasses on your front porch. Yes, I remember when I was in cub scouts and Andy was running around. Yes, I remember when you used to take me and Richie to the orphanage. No, I don’t remember when I got sick in the tub, but I’ve heard it enough” She’s starting to lose her mind, and will tend to repeat herself.

Next, we stopped by my Grandpa’s house. He was working out in the yard. We talked for him a little bit. He was telling me a story about the time my Grandma got lost after driving up to the store. He gave me $5 for gas. Hey it helps.

My brother and I had some interesting conversations on the way home. He gave the best metaphor for eternity I have ever heard. “If you have a granite ball the size of the earth, and every 2000 years, a dove flies by and it’s wing grazes the ball. Long after the ball is transformed completely to dust… that’s just the beginning of eternity.”

I was wrong. A long drive in which two people try to determine the mindset of God, can most likely be viewed as a religious experience. The traffic still sucked. I decided to take M-14 instead of I-94 after Zeeb rd. because that’s the way my mom used to take when we had to meet our dad. I was thinking of stopping by the trailer park, so Andy could see it again, but didn’t.

Got home, internet was down again. This was getting so completely annoying. I went downstairs and re-wired the cable hook-up. It’s working better now. The line that goes to my computer had to go through like 3 splitters. I moved it up the line a bit. I’m wondering if I’ll be able to split the line again now, so I can hook the cable into my computer again. Then I’ll pretty much have no need for the A/B switch in my room. I can just watch TV on my computer, and have my TV permanently be a second monitor.

I went to John’s house. We decided not to go to Ryan’s. Things are kinda cooling off over there, and it’s about time for me to step back a bit. Matt came over. We watched Home Alone 2 again. John was messing around with his copy of Reason, but his computer is too slow to handle it.

We headed over to Brian’s. His truck was there, but he didn’t answer the door. We went to Dave’s to see what he was up to before wrestling. He wasn’t feeling very good, and was resting before he came over. Back to Brian’s. We talked to Garret outside, by our cars, until Brian came out to see where we were. Dave came later, Jacob never showed.

I left rather early. I’ve been going through a major anti-social/wanting to hang out with different people streak, and I just wanted to go home and be by myself for a little bit. I saw people, but I didn’t want to be there too long.

I woke up at 6:00 after a night of restless sleep. I got dressed and went out for a drive. It was kinda cool driving around GC first thing in the morning. There wasn’t really anyone on the roads. It helped me wake up a little bit.

I was up way too early, but that was cool because it gave me some time to write. I was pretty far behind on my LJ posts, so I tried to get through 3 of them. This caught me up to Friday. I don’t really like writing about the events the day of, or the day after I did them, otherwise I would have gone for 4.

At about noon, we left to go to my Dad’s. I’ve been trying to get a little better at visiting him more often. The whole driving out to Jackson thing is kinda cool when I’m driving with my
brother. It gives us a good chance to talk.

My Dad and Eve left a couple times to do a few things. They had us listen to Larry the Cable Guy. He was pretty funny. Very un-politically correct. Eve got that CD from her parents. (Does this explain her childhood at all?)

My Dad bought a new table for the back porch. We got it almost set up when we realized that we were forgetting the little rubber stoppers to protect the glass. So we had to take it apart again. Then we tried to find the umbrella. Eve couldn’t find it, but my dad said he was sure it was in the shed. Nobody could find it. It turned out that it was hung up, and there was a hose hanging on it.

We went to my Grandpa’s for dinner. My dad lives on the same block as my Grandpa, so it’s just around the corner. The whole family was there. There has always been the Renfer family, we’re kinda small. When my Grandpa married Pat, she has 9 kids. They all have children now. All the family doesn’t live in Jackson, but it quickly becomes a lot of people.

My grandpa painted the cabinets downstairs blue. He is so completely whipped by her. That house has changed so much. A lot of the things we don’t really like, but he’s happy. Nobody wants to take that from him. Pat’s a good woman. She’s just changed him.

Eve didn’t want to be there very long. We made a plan that as soon as the hot dogs came off the grill, we would be the first up there. That way, we could eat and get back as soon as possible.

My grandpa had just bought a new… fire pit thing. I guess you could call it. It was pretty neat, but there were problems when we tried to put too many blocks of 2×4 into the fire too soon. Fire is always best with the aid of flammable liquids. That thing smokes too much though.

We came home and there was a car in the driveway that Eve didn’t recognize. She went up to the guy and asked who he was. Kinda scared him. Turns out, he’s the boyfriend of one of Nicky’s friends.

She had a baby almost the same age as Cindel. Now I know all babies are supposed to be intrinsically cute, but what if you aren’t all that impressed with the cuteness of a baby. She was cute, don’t get me wrong, but Cindel is cuter. (I think I am somewhat biased) She also was a little fussy. She was teething.

It turns out that this girl had had another baby before, but he died from SIDS. That’s why she named this little girl “Miracle”. SIDS is such a horrible thing. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to wake up one morning, check in on your child, only to find him dead. That’s got to be so psychologically damaging.

I was doing shot’s of Jack with Eve, and my dad got mad that we were drinking without him. So we let him catch up. It’s so nice being allowed to drink around my father now. Last year he took me and Kali out to see his friend’s band play at the bar for my birthday. That was a very good night.

I played half a game of darts with my dad. I had almost everything closed out, and I was ahead of him on points, but the game could have gone either way. He got mad at Eve because he couldn’t find his bowl. She had it.

You can definitely see where I get some of my traits if you watch my father, especially if he’s high. He thinks and talks along some of the exact same lines as I do. There are some things that I’m merely influenced by, but don’t directly take. My brother takes after him more than I do.

My dad makes some of the best ribs you’ve ever had. He’s all about getting his sauce just right. He also boiled the ribs so he could get them off the bone before cooking.

Their friends showed up. They set up all the guitars in the garage. (In the back, built into a walk-out basement. (it’s Jackson, they’re common)) They also started a fire in the fire pit. My dad has an awesome back yard. And apparently, mushrooms grow wild on the 4 acres he has.

Eve and Mary were getting drunk off wine. Eve was completely trashed. Wine can get you pretty drunk. Eve and Mary are flirts. My brother said it kind of freaked him out, but I wasn’t bothered as much. For him, Eve is much more of a step-mom than she is to me. So it’s weird for him to see his step-mom kissing another girl. Whereas I am a bit more accepting of that behavior.

They were all jamming in the garage. Too bad Uncle Ray (Dad’s cousin, what is that?) couldn’t have brought his drum kit. Too bad Hal had to keep trying to sing. If you don’t know the words, it’s probably best to not bother trying. Especially if you have no idea whatsoever how to sing.

I went driving around with my brother, Nicky, and her friend a couple of times. I had been drinking, so I let my brother drive. This was making me a bit nervous because, I don’t quite trust my brother’s ability to smoke and drive at the same time, especially in Jackson, which is somewhat unfamiliar ground.

My dad is a really good guitarist. I’ve grown up listening to him play, but this was the first time that I really paid attention to what he was doing. He was playing a lot more complicated shit than the other guys were. Why the hell didn’t I get any of that skill?

The party started to die down a little bit, and eventually we all went to bed. I took the old couch downstairs. He’s had that couch forever. I sunk into it. That’s kinda annoying to try to sleep in when you are a little bit dizzy, but eventually I got to sleep.

• A - Age: 21.99178082191780821917808219178082
• B - Best Quality: I am able to view the world through the eyes of a child
• C - Choice of Meat: Human
• D - Dream Date: Either a movie or a band, followed with driving around talking, followed by coffee at Cole’s, followed by more talking at home.
• E - Ex (most recent): Candice (I guess, otherwise Meghan)
• F - Favorite Food: Spaghetti
• G - Greatest Accomplishment: I’m still alive
• H - Happiest Day of Your Life: everyday (cop-out, I can’t think of it)
• I - Internal conflicts: way of life
• J - Jam or Jelly: Jam
• K - Kool-Aid: Does it have acid, or just poison
• L - Love: more that you’ll ever know
• M - Most Valued Thing I Own: I really hate to say it, but either my car or my computer
• N - Name: Lord Anas Mystosis Nebuchadnezzar XXXVII
• O - Outfit You Love: Black button-up shirt /w white stripes that I got at Goth Topic
• P - Pizza Toppings: Ham & Pineapple (if anyone will let me get it, substitute other toppings if not)
• Q - Question you want to ask: Now what?
• R - Radical thing you’ve done: One time, at band camp…
• S - Sport To Watch: Football & Hockey
• T - Television Show: Many. (I am a collector)
• U - Unique habit: I’m fidgety.
• V - Very favorite Verb: Discombobulate
• W - Winter: Don’t really care for them, but couldn’t live without
• X - X-rays you have had: Like 40 of my chest last summer
• Y - Yesterday’s best meal: A&W, played off as if Jeff had made a home-cooked meal
• Z - Zodiac Sign: Gemini

My Saturday was relatively boring. I wasn’t feeling very good most of the day, so I wasn’t really feeling in the mood to do all that much.

I hung out with Kali in the morning. I went over to her house, picked her up, and we drove around. I took her up to the party store so she could cash her check. Then, we went back to her house. She owed her mom a bit of money, so I sat around while she figured out just how much she owed her.

I spent a bit of time talking to her mom. It’s kinda weird talking to her family anymore. They used to be the “in-laws” and now they are just the parents of my friend. Haley came up to me and asked me to tie her shoes. Haley and Carly don’t know me as well as Mykael does. I’ve know Mykael ever since he was born, but I wasn’t living there for most of the other two’s lives.

I came to the frightening realization that Kali and I don’t have as much in common as we used to. I think I’ve know this for a while, but when we ran out of things to talk about in a little more than a hour after we were hanging out, it just kinda hit me. We never do anything together anymore, so the things we’re going to want to do, are different. I guess this isn’t that big of a deal, these things happen.

If you never really spend any time with someone, you will find that you have almost nothing in common, but as you begin to spend more time with that person, the similarities, the mutual interests, and the good topics begin to come out. The challenge becomes this… If everyone out there has nothing in common with you, because you don’t hang out with them, then how do you ever overcome that barrier?

Kali, James, and Ger (maybe Dave as well) were all planning on going to the DEMF. They decided not to go, because they thought it would rain. I really wanted to go, but as I had already mentioned, I was sick. And if I went, I wouldn’t have been able to go with them. Dave and I do not get along. I have made tremendous efforts to get over that. To try and forget that he is the guy that took her from me, but I must admit, I have not done a very good job at all.

We went to my house. She hasn’t been to my house in a really long time. For a while, we were hanging out outside of her work a lot, but not as much anymore, so she never came to my house anymore. We watched an episode of Smallville, and then I took her over to Dave’s house.

I really wish I had more to say about this day. The day was spent just hanging out around my house. My brother was home all day too. We were all referring to it as a “boring Saturday” I probably could have gone out and looked for something, but that has been getting so very frustrating. I knew I would just go pick up John, and we would look for something to do. That search would leave us at either Ryan’s or Dave’s (most likely both) Now while those are both perfectly acceptable options, I’m getting really sick of the both of them. I have fun at both the places, but I’m still looking for something better. I’m also getting really sick of looking. Boredom really sucks.

When Kali and I broke up, I made a commitment to try to change who I was as much as I can. When I lived in the apartment, I ignored everybody and just spent time on my computer. I knew I couldn’t do that anymore. I spent the majority of my time looking for anything other than sitting here, playing solitaire, just wasting time. I found somewhat what I was looking for, and it satisfied me for a time, but the fact that I never felt “at home” over to Ryan’s house made it very hard to just sit back and relax.

When you are sick, nothing sounds good. I tried playing FFX, but just couldn’t handle it. I tried reading. I tried to talk to people online, but nobody was there. I did half a load of laundry. I played game after game of Forty Thieves Solitaire. I knew I should have been writing, I knew I should have been programming, or cleaning, or working out, or doing something somewhat productive, but nothing appealed to me.

My mom and Jeff went to the Dairy Queen and got me and my brother Flurries. That was really nice. It actually helped to settle my stomach a little bit.

I found out that the night before, Ryan had gotten busted for paraphernalia, so now there is going to be a major cooling off over to his house. This just perfectly coincides with my plan to not go over there anymore, so everything works out in the end.

I fell asleep at like 9:30. That’s what happens when you are sick, and you lay down to watch TV.

You’ll Fall in Love With A Leo!

You are attracted to people who steal the limelight, which means Leo’s!

Just look for the most flamboyant and graceful person at a party, and that’s your Leo. Leo’s bathe in the attention. And, they are quite good at getting it too!

Get your Leo alone and show him or her your charm! Endless days will pass when you will be the only one in your Leo’s life.

Eventually, your Leo will play hard to get (again).

Don’t let your jealous feelings stop you from having a good time. Since your Leo is so energetic and dynamic, he / she needs lots of playthings. Watch your Leo roam freely - only to come home to you at night.

What Sign Should Your Lover Be?

More Great Quizzes from Quiz Diva

hmmm… a leo? Go figure.

5-23-23 Everybody! I remind you that the Greeks had no concept of 0, so our year is simply 23.

Kali called me again, wanting to hang out, again, I told her I would be there at noon, and again I was late. This time, I didn’t have enough money for us to get anything to eat. I love her dearly, but she really needs to start having some extra money, because she hasn’t paid in a while. She could have paid Friday, but they sent her check to Canton by mistake, so we just sat in my car and talked.

I wasn’t going to Christin’s today. Normally, I would hang out with Candice and Christin, but I guess something was going on with Christin this weekend, so I wouldn’t be going over there. I sat at home for a while, I was looking to try to figure out what I would be doing, but nothing besides the Wary May jam was coming up.

I picked up John, and we went over to Greg’s. Greg was getting in the shower when we got there. We waited up in his room. I watched John play Metroid. Kristin showed up to pick up Greg. Apparently the official Jam was being pre-empted by a party. The worst thing is, I can’t remember the name of the kid, whose house it was at.

We followed them to his house to set up for the party. Everyone else showed up at about the same time. My tongue ring broke on me, so I had to run home to get a new head for it, and grab my jacket. I forgot my other jacket in Jackson the last time I was out there.

I was kinda hungry, so I grabbed some quarters and went to McDonald’s. I saw this girl that I used to work with at LJS, I think. I can’t remember her name, and she is a manager now, so she didn’t have a name tag. She told me that she had a baby now. I can’t believe it’s been that long since I’ve seen her. Everyone is always having babies. And last summer was a big time for babies.

They had all put in to get a keg. Nobody knew how to tap it. I went in there, took one look at it, and tapped it. We had a problem, it was all foam, and was coming out like shit. We called up Matt Bridges, the resident keg expert. (Anyone with their own tap, is a keg expert) He told us that we would just have to wait.

I have mentioned before that I am not much of a drinker, but it was Fry Day, and there was an available keg, so I had roughly 4.5 beers over the course of the night. I don’t like getting drunk, because I don’t like being somewhere where I can’t drive, and don’t feel comfortable staying.

I got into an interesting discussion with Blue, Joe, and Schnyder. Joe is an anarchist, Schnyder is a hippie, Blue is a free communist, and since I felt that since freedom was abundantly supported, I would argue in defense of dictatorship. I am a discordian, and that means I must love all the sides equally, and maintain balance. I tried to explain the five cycles of society, but alas, I am not a very good minister, and couldn’t explain it well enough.

I discussed the need to have a fling with a cute thug boy with Kattie and Kristin. I had a hot dog sans the bun. It’s 5-23 after all. The band was going to do an acoustic set. Regulate/Ride with me sounds cool done by an acoustic folk band. I lectured Massey on the proper etiquette of being a bum. I have no problem giving someone a cigarette if they ask, but don’t ask me while you’re smoking a cigarette that “tastes like ass” If you’re not going to show the proper respect to someone that was kind enough to give you a cigarette, then why should I give you a cigarette?

The party was getting boring, so we decided to leave. John had to go do something for Dave anyway. So we were making our way out the door, when more people showed up. Damnit! Why is it that just when I’ve made the commitment to leave. I got a few more copies of the Kisch’s CD. They had just been busted the day before. And Tim was a little worried about it.

Maybe that should have been taken as an omen. I’m told that after we had left, later in the night, the party was busted by the cops. I’m glad I wasn’t there.

I stopped at home for a few minutes, and then went to Dave’s house. It was Me, John, Dave, Brian, Jason, Jason (didn’t know him), my brother’s friend Brad, and Brad’s friend. (Didn’t know him, but he was at my brother’s party) A very odd mix. I started to not feel very good, so I went home rather early. (By my standards) Happy Fry Day everyone! (of course I say this on Sunday)

Today, I went to Ann Arbor. She called me rather early, and I told her I would be there at Noon. I was running a little bit late and didn’t end up getting there till 12:05. Now I know that 5 minutes isn’t a big thing, but I don’t like being too awfully late, if I can help it. I hadn’t gone out to her work since the week before, but I saw her on Sunday, so it wasn’t all that long since I had seen her last.

I really wish there wasn’t so much between us. There are certain things that she doesn’t feel right commenting on, and while I can see her point, I also want to seek out her advice as a friend. She won’t ever talk to me about her problems with Dave, now while part of me thanks her for that, (it really hurts to hear a lot of times) I also wish that I could be strong enough to handle it, and just be her friend. I think it’s because of this push, that I haven’t exactly shown her the same considerations when talking about my life and the issues in it.

Afterwards, I went home and sat around my house waiting for something to happen. Dave called me. He came over. John called. We picked up John, and then went to Best Buy. Dave had just gotten a “new” computer and wanted to upgrade the memory and Hard Drive. This was why he needed to call on a geek to do the work for him.

His computer is almost an exact replica of Persephone. The only difference is, his isn’t beat to shit from years of use. I pulled out a screwdriver, pulled out his old HD, and installed the new one. Threw in the memory, and then plugged it into Persephone’s home. (This meant that I had to disconnect Persephone, cutting my mp3 collection in half)

Okay, now to put on an operating system. Sounds easy right? It would be, were I not getting this stupid error in every single one of my Windows XP disks. Anyone know what’s going on with them? I have like 4 different copies, and none of them would work. There was also something fucked up with his CD-Rom, because we were also having problems with my Compaq restoration CD.

So we run to his house, grab his copy, come back, and fight with his computer some more. So apparently, Persephone isn’t the only computer that’s a bitch, her cousins are too. I tried almost everything. Eventually I got something to install, Windows 98. I promised him XP. I promised him a clean copy. I gave him a HD full of Compaq bundled offers. Hey, at least it works now.

We went back to Dave’s house for a little bit. We played a game of Dart’s with Dave’s Girlfriend, her sister (cousin?), and their friend, Sarah. Sarah wasn’t drunk, but she kinda acted like it, and I’m not sure if she is Bi or not, but she was having fun flirting with Jen. Dave didn’t want to play darts, so he made sure that he won way before the rest of us. (fucking dick) The game went on for a lot longer, until Jen said “Okay, if I make a 20, I win” (she wouldn’t have) She made the 20, so she won. I only needed a 20, and a 16.

We went back to my house. Dave had a new computer, with temporary access to the internet. So we went and downloaded a whole bunch of music. And transferred anything he may have wanted off of my computer onto his. He packed up his computer, and him and John left. And I had some time to myself before I went to sleep.

Today was a payday. While this means that the latter half of my day, I had a considerable amount of money, it also meant that I had absolutely no money until the mail came. So the early part of my day, is relatively unimportant.

I went to the bank today. I go through alternating periods of using the bank. For a while, I was getting direct deposits, so I never had a reason to actually go to the bank. Then when I lost my job, my checks came on Saturdays a lot, so I never deposited them. So I decided that I was going to deposit this check today. My account was in the negative by now, because of all the stupid fees. So a large chunk of it went to paying off that.

Next, I needed cigarettes. This is where I came to the conclusion that I am known by the guy at the smokers shop I go to. It’s always rather weird to know that other people know you. That I’ve been in there enough that he recognizes me, he remembered that I used my card and gave me two extra stamps.

Then we got talking about banks. This is where my curse of synchronicity comes into play. The night before, Candice was trying to convince me to switch banks. She had gotten a flyer from another bank, and gave it to me. So I was picking apart the bold claims they made in their litterature. There was a bit of confusion on the claim that you may use your ATM card at other banks without charge. (but other atms will still charge you) But this guy at the smoker’s shop was talking about he has seen a lot of customer have really bad problems with that particular bank. This came up because he rang the card as debit and not credit. But he said the name of the exact same bank that I had just been talking about less than 24 hours ago. I didn’t do that. This shit is starting to piss me off.

Hop across the parking lot to the dumpster. Clean all the shit out of the car. So now what am I going to do? That is the very question that occupies most of my life “Now What?” (although I usually ask it in German) I went driving. I drove out to Plymouth, I went out to the trailer park that I used to live in when I was a kid. I can actually say that my trailer park was hit by a tornado. Destroyed half my street. Left my house untouched. My neighbors weren’t so lucky. Anyways, I found the lot where my house was, but I’m pretty sure that’s a different trailer. I couldn’t help feeling disappointed.

Next stop. The coffee studio, but wait! It’s not the coffee studio anymore? What’s with this shit. I can’t even remember the new name anymore. (I’m writing this 4 days later) I got my cinnamon cappuccino. (Which there is a very long explanation for why) and I went upstairs and read. I brought the Shogun board, but there was nobody to teach it to.

My current book is a very advanced text book on Einstein’s theory of relativity. Some of the things in there are blowing my mind. Very good book, but not exactly for those not interested in relativity. (which is almost everybody)

John calls, Band practice is over, and he’s calling to see what’s up. I go over to Matt’s house, but first I had to stop at 7-11 to get some money. (I didn’t get any when I was at the bank) They hadn’t updated the records yet, and it’s saying that I don’t have any money, well I need money, so I take it anyway. Matt needs a ride up to AutoZone to get his battery tested. So we go up there, and sit in the parking lot while they tested his battery. We were up there for a long time.

Next stop, good ol’ Ryan’s house. We watched Ryan’s video from the All-Night Party. I have one of the videos that both of us were in. (We did “Bohemian Rhapsody”) Then Ryan wanted the playboy video put in, I protested, but eventually put it in for him, by this time the room is getting quite full, a few more people show up, and we decide it’s time to go outside.

Ahhh, alcoholics. They are a very interesting breed. I love just watching the stupid things that all the alkies do when they’re smashed at 7:30. Keep in mind that I am always sober when this happens. (with the exception of St. Guilk) So they are just funny. I proposed that a book be written chronicling all the dumb things Massey has done while drunk.

I am proud to say that I have had an impact on Ryan. I was discussing the need for record keeping, and my interest in building social maps, and he has obliged me, by recording who shows up at his house on what days. So far, John and I were in the lead, having not missed a day in the past 5 days. (I have since not been there the past 3 days, and counting) There was talk of a “prize” to the first to reach 10. So I have since then thrown the race.

For the record, the IBOD (International Book of Dave [Mathews Band]) contains 50 CD’s. Now I may like Dave a lot, but that is just about the only thing Ryan will listen to.

It was cold out, and without the comfortable warmth of alcohol that the others were enjoying, John and I were miserable. So, despite the fact that we had no other ideas, we left. We had just gotten to my car, when Jacob called. We met up in the Neutral Grounds parking lot. We sat there in the parking lot for nearly an hour. Jacob standing at John’s window, the question of “Jetz Was” running through our heads. With all other options a bust, we went to my house.

I don’t really like having all too many friends over to my
house late at night. The slightest noise travels throughout the house, but we had nothing else to do. I showed John the Discordian.com website, I was reading NewScientist.com and Jacob was playing with the magnet things I have. Jacob finally got a hold of Dave, and went over there. Dave’s house was definitely something, but I have been going over there a lot as well.

I wanted to go to Cole’s, but I couldn’t get anyone else to go, so we went over to Dave’s after all. I hung out there for a little bit, but I don’t think I was really in the mood to be there, and I don’t play foosball. It’s a fun game, and I’ll give it it’s appeal, but it’s just not a game I really like to play, so I don’t really enjoy watching Foosball games. So I went home, and spent the remainder of the night there.

{finished at 7:50}

• What brand of toothpaste do you use?
  Aquafresh + Tartar Control
• What brand of toilet paper do you prefer?
  The good stuff.
• What brand(s) of shoes do you wear?
  My pair of boots that I bought from the Shoes For Crews program from work last year. They’re good shoes, this is my second pair.
• What brand of soda do you drink?
  Cherry Coke, mostly
• What brand of gum do you chew?
  I don’t chew all that much gum, but I like Doublemint

Why the hell does my internet connection go out on me every time I try to do something?

John called me up, and asked me a question. He also told me that Dave was coming over and they were going to watch Sunday’s pay-per-view. I told him I would be over at the specified time. Kali called and wanted to hang out, but I told her that I couldn’t because I was going over to John’s to watch the PPV.

It was starting to rain. I go over to John’s house and have to parallel park between two cars. Who ever said that parallel parking would never come in handy. Dave never showed up, so it was just John and me. It was raining, so his satellite dish was out. Just my luck. I go over to John’s because he gets the PPV for free, and I can’t watch it due to the storm. It was okay. I missed the first few matches, but it later cleared up nicely.

Next, we went over to Dave’s. He had a little bit of time before him and Garret were leaving for the concert. God I wanted to see that show. The last time I saw Seether, they were absolutely horrible. It was a all around terrible show, I need to see a good one to make up for it.

I played Dave in a game of Shogun. He’s got his own pieces now, and his own board. I drew first blood on him too soon, and that threw him off. I ended up wining the game. Yeah for me!

Dave had to leave for the show, so we went to Ryan’s. Kattie wanted to go talk to Bridges, but didn’t want to have to go herself. (she was really tired) So, being the nice guy that I am, I offered to go. She said that she would get me back for the favor. Ryan, John, and myself drove out to Henry Ford and we talked to Matt for a little bit. This gave me a chance to have Ryan listen to some new types of music. I mean there is only so much Dave Mathews Band that you can tolerate.

We also stopped to pick up some cat food, but we had to stop back first, because Ryan forgot some of the money. When we got back, Kattie was asleep. Nobody was willing to wake her up, so she still has a karmic debt to me.

Next, I went to Candice’s. We watched our shows. Our thing has always been that Tuesdays is Smallville, but one day I ended up getting caught watching Gilmore Girls. (such a weird show) Both shows had their season finales.

After our shows we had to talk. A lot has been going on between us, which you would know if you follow my posts regularly. It was a good talk, some things got said, and it went better that she had hoped it would. Then we somehow got started tickling.

I don’t know what it is, but tickling is such a bad thing for us. The act itself isn’t a bad thing, but when it happens, we usually find ourselves with her on top of me with our lips practically touching. I knew that what was about to happen was wrong. So I tried to stop myself.

Now most of my difficulties in this whole situation, comes from the fact that I have multiple personalities working at odds with each other. There’s the side of me that really wants her, and is attracted to her, and wants to be with her. There’s the side that just wants to keep balance, and tries to keep me under control. And then there is the side of me that really wants out of this, that hates her, and feels guilty being with her.

So here we are in this very tense sexual situation. The part of me that wants her, very much wants her at this point, and the other two try their hardest to hold me back. Yet we still end up tickling, and we find ourselves in that same position again and again. There are just only so many times that you can keep your composure. There’s really only so much you can do to keep yourself from kissing the girl whose lips yours are practically touching.

Needless to say, I lost my will to fight, and we ended up kissing. The whole time I was protesting that this was wrong. (my other two voices were screaming to get myself under control) I knew I shouldn’t be doing what we were doing, but the one voice kept urging me forward. Once you get me sexually excited, it’s kinda hard to turn it off. At this point I knew that we had stepped over the line, and that anything that happened that night would be part of that night. (or maybe that’s just what I told myself) So things kept moving further.

Latter on, we talked about it. I am so sorry to have to keep doing this shit to her. I know I’m sending her the worst of mixed signals. We have just gotten out of a relationship, and the emotions are still running strong. Neither of us are in any sort of relationship right now, if we were, that would make things so much easier. I don’t want to lose her as a friend, but I know that the more I see her, this soon after the “Breakup” the more likely we’re liable to end up in that position.

Because that’s probably the worst thing about my decision to end things with her. I had no reasons to. Things were and still are really good between us when I’m with her. When we’re together, I often find myself forgetting all my reasons why I needed to end it. I’m really sorry Candice, for everything I’ve done to you. I just pray that one day, we can be friends again, like we used to be.

lord give me strength to face the path I’ve laid for myself.